NorthGeek

Bud Light makes excellent commercials!

Something (else) to do in Quebec when you’re bored

Have you ever sat around with a bunch of friends, not knowing what to do? Bored, and playing a game of Life or making s’mores just won’t cut it? Try this:

Whip out your Quebec Medicare card (RAMQ). Notice the first four letters on your card are made up of the first three letters of your last name, followed by the first letter of you first name.

Go around the circle (because these days, all friends sit on the floor in a circle, right?) with everyone coming up with a made-up name that would make an awesome Quebec Medicare card.

To get things started, I’ve provided some inspiration:

– Natasha Poorsly and her father, Peter Poorsly
– Tara Shire
– Tom Cunningsworth
– Paul Cranshaw
– Wilma Bloomberg
– Tanya Farnham
– Scott Asserman
– Kelly Wang (hehe, her last name is funny already)

And so on, and so forth. Please, send us your best names!

Enjoy the hours and hours of laughs.

I have been the victim of a major scam!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it. This will only become more commonplace…

A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Please, don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

How the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping bags into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald’s. You agree and they get into the back seat.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also December 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of men.

Warn your friends to be vigilant.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K Mart. Also, you’ll never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe’s, Home Depot, and Costco.

Happy Nickmas!

So this is what the kids are watching these days…

The NorthGeek HowTo Series: Ice fish like a Canadian

Clearly, Canadians are a little insane.

What’s happening? Happy in Paraguay

Star Trek: The Next Generation, remixed.

The Muppets are Timeless

Who hasn’t seen them perform Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen yet? Follow The Muppets on Twitter.

Momma!

The NorthGeek HowTo Series: Play guitar like Slash

We at NorthGeek feel bad. Why, you ask? Well, we feel bad because we have so much darn talent, and it’s tough for us to share it all.

Enter: The Internet. Thanks to this relatively new invention called The Internet, and a small property on this Internet called “YouTube” – I know, funny name – we can share our talents with you – the world. Here is chapter one:

How to give a great wedding speech

This post is re-published with permission from TheWordShow.com.

Here’s a speech I gave at my good friend’s wedding party a short time ago. Names have been changed to protect their identities, if you really want to know who’s who, I’ll probably tell you.

********************
Everyone, if I could please have your attention, my name is Dan Reitman. You may remember me as one of Richard’s groomsmen. If you attended the wedding but don’t remember me as a groomsman, you may remember me as the lanky guy at the party attempting to breakdance at 1am. I know what you’re going to ask, and the answer is, no, I’m not a professional dancer, it’s just talent I like to share.
For those of you who could not make it to Aberdeen, rest assured the wedding in Scotland was spectacular. It was a wonderful melding of Canadian and Scottish families and culture, Francine was a beautiful bride, and Richard looked amazingly presentable.

My official responsibility, as groomsman # 3, was, as Richard and Francine told me, to hold on to this set of keys [hold up plain set of keys], and make sure they did not leave my sight. I’m still not sure what these keys are supposed to open, and I have the distinct impression that Richard and Francine gave me this task because they didn’t want me to feel left out. That’s the mark of true friends.
Anyhow, I’m thrilled to be able to stand before you today, on this, the one-month anniversary of their wedding – I’m not sure if they’re planning on having one of these every month, but you guys should know you are only getting one gift from me.

I’m going to say a few words about Richard and Francine; why I think they’re good people, and then I’m going to wrap it up, because I probably will have been rambling for quite a while, In fact I’m probably already doing that now.

I’m honoured to call myself a close friend of both Richard and Francine. Richard and I have known each other since grade 7, and I like to think I know him pretty well. Richard is a great friend. His enthusiasm and motivation in all things is infectious, and he brings out the best in people. He is also a man of contradictions. On the one hand, he’s a competitive athlete who loves sports, especially football and hockey, but this aggressiveness is nowhere to be found when he is confronted with, say, the common pigeon. It’s true, he is absolutely terrified of birds. Francine, on the other hand is a lover of animals. Especially cats. And unicorns. Try to explain to Francine that unicorns do not actually exist, and it’s your funeral, my friend.

Anyhow Richard and I have had some great times together with our crew of idiots. We had it all figured out in our mid-20’s, and then one day Richard realized that he needed to take some time off from the busy rat race – so he moved to Australia. We got e-mails from him detailing his exploits, about meeting Francine and their travels together in their rusty Toyota jeep with the funny name.

When Richard came back from Australia, it was clear that the unforgiving Outback and all the kangaroo meat he had ingested had changed him. He had fallen in love with two things: Australian slang, and [point to Francine] surfing. Richard would strain to work Australian words into his sentences, saying things like “arvo” instead of “afternoon”, or “chuffed” instead of “excited”. Luckily that wore off. But in all seriousness, while the surfing and aussie-speak were new interests, it was Francine that occupied most of Richard‘s thoughts.
When Richard returned from his Australian odyssey, he and Francine then endured a tough year of long distance phone calls, and then Francine decided to bravely make the voyage across the Atlantic to come live with Richard in Montreal, where she would live with us in our apartment on Terrasse St. Denis. It was an unbelievably gutsy move, and I could just imagine what questions were swirling in Francine’s mind as her plane crossed the Atlantic: how cold was Canada going to be? Will things work out with Richard? Are Richard’s roommates crazy? Do they have unicorns and kittens in Canada?

Francine had nothing to fear, though, because it was clear right from the get-go that Francine, whether she liked it or not, fit right in. She was, for lack of a better term, an instant hit with our group. Francine is an incredibly thoughtful, sensitive, caring person, with a wicked sense of humour, but then anyone who has spoken with her for even a few minutes can tell that right away. Possibly my favourite thing about Francine is that she laughs at all my jokes. Even better than that is how much this aggravates Richard.

And it was clear that they were truly great together. Francine has absolutely changed Richard for the better: where previously, Richard was known to saunter around our apartment in nothing but a skimpy bath towel for hours on end, clapping his hands enthusiastically at the TV in order to rally his beloved Habs, with Francine around, he did less of this. That was a good thing. There are probably more profound ways Francine has improved Richard that I can’t see, but they aren’t as embarrassing and satisfying to describe as Mr. claps-his-hands-loudly-in-a-bath-towel. But in all seriousness Richard and Francine are true complements to each other, and it’s wonderful to be able to celebrate their marriage.

I thought I might end my little speech with a quote. Because I’ve heard quotations make people sound smart, even if they aren’t. I wanted the quote to encapsulate how I feel about my two close friends, Richard and Francine, tying the knot, and how excited I am for their new life together. I thought it would be appropriate to use a hockey quote, so I spent about 3 hours online, looking for some interesting stuff, and I found it, but then I realized that I had gotten seriously sidetracked, and they were asking me for my credit card #, so I spent another hour, and I found this, and if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to read this, a recent quote from Hockey Legend Don Cherry :

“When you skate along to the blue line, and you’re about to take your shot, first you need to stare down the goalie. Get a read on his mind. Then look at the penalty box, it’s empty, that represents the risks in your life, where all your mistakes will be visible. You look up at the score board and the scores have been replaced by Scottish flag overlapping a Canadian one. Then look over at your bench, and your team is composed of one person; uour life partner. Francine . You take the shot, you score, and the crowd goes wild.”

I’m going to be honest with you, that was not from Don Cherry, I made that up 2 hours ago. What’s worse is I don’t know anything about hockey. But I do know that I’m so thrilled and excited for Richard and Francine, and I want you guys to know I love you both and wish for you a lifetime of happiness together. Thanks very much.

Hamish & Andy – maybe Australia’s funniest duo?

Watch as Hamish and Andy become cab drivers and see who can make the most money. These two guys pretty much fell into this gig as the country’s most popular radio show hosts, and regulars on several TV shows. They’ve even done a tour around the US – maybe they’ll come North of the Border soon??

UPDATE: I’ve decided to add a bunch of other funny Hamish & Andy videos: